I am angry and frustrated today. I am so angry that I am currently in tears as I type this.
Paul took the liberty of booking a trip to California for me and the kids. He is going to stay home and work, oh yeah he has a couple of ski weekends planned while I am gone too.
I welcome the opportunity to go home and visit my family. I am upset because he booked the non-refundable, non-transferable tickets at his convenience and did not even ask me when I would I like to go, or if I was up to taking 3 children, 3 car seats and all our luggage through two airports and a rental car agent's with no help at all.
Airports scare the shit out of me, I am so afraid that someone will grab one of my kids and hop on a flight to nowhere before I even realize one is gone. Now I get to do all of this by myself. I am stressed to the nines just thinking about the whole travel mess. Airports are places that are too busy and I just don't have enough hands to handle everything on my own. Last time I flew on my own I was pregnant and had 2 kids in tow, I requested help at the gates when I booked my flight and the help was not there even when I had requested it ahead of time.
How about the fact that I was going to start The Medicine Wheel on the the weekend of December 9, 10, 11th? Thats okay, I guess I will just put that off a couple of years, when the next one starts.
Or how about the chance to check with my family to see when it would convenient for them for me come for a week or two. Or how about not having the trip two weeks before Christmas when I want to be home getting ready for the holidays? How about the fact that if the tickets were booked for sometime in April or May Quentin would be fully toilet trained and I would not have to deal with diapers and all that goes with them on the trip?
I hate more than anything that Paul has taken away my choices and my control over my life and the kids. I will miss their Christmas special at school and so will they. I told Paul that I was nervous about taking then all by myself and that I would like to check with my family first. He paid no attention to my feelings and booked the flight anyway. Spending $1700 on airline tickets without talking to me was wrong. I welcome the chance to see my family, but I would have loved to have some choice in when I got to go.
Paul has chosen to be defensive about the whole thing: "I can't ever do anything nice for you it always backfires." "If I had known you did want to go see your family I would not have booked the flight." He has chosen to not take any responsibility. I am even angrier that he will not take even a moment to see it from my side, to understand how bad the timing is for me, how important The Wheel was for me, how rude it was to book the flight without talking to my family to see what their plans are, or take into consideration how stressful I find traveling with 3 young children during the holidays by myself.
I am sorry for the ranting. There is little that makes me feel more frustrated than someone taking my choices away from me. I would love to take the trip after the holidays, but not in December when everyone is so busy and I already had plans that were important to me. I am stuck with timing though and will have to make the best of it, it will cost $200 a ticket to change the date, that would cost me an additional $800.
Paul will even talk me about the whole thing. He just keeps telling me, "This isn't the time to talk about it." "Let's change the subject."
I don't want my family reading this to misunderstand me, I want to come and visit, I am feeling very disappointed that I don't get to start The Wheel and that you don't get any choice on when I come to invade your lives. I will stop ranting and try and cool off.
I am sorry to posting so much frustrated energy today.