Tuesday, September 13, 2005

No Choices

I am angry and frustrated today. I am so angry that I am currently in tears as I type this.

Paul took the liberty of booking a trip to California for me and the kids. He is going to stay home and work, oh yeah he has a couple of ski weekends planned while I am gone too.

I welcome the opportunity to go home and visit my family. I am upset because he booked the non-refundable, non-transferable tickets at his convenience and did not even ask me when I would I like to go, or if I was up to taking 3 children, 3 car seats and all our luggage through two airports and a rental car agent's with no help at all.

Airports scare the shit out of me, I am so afraid that someone will grab one of my kids and hop on a flight to nowhere before I even realize one is gone. Now I get to do all of this by myself. I am stressed to the nines just thinking about the whole travel mess. Airports are places that are too busy and I just don't have enough hands to handle everything on my own. Last time I flew on my own I was pregnant and had 2 kids in tow, I requested help at the gates when I booked my flight and the help was not there even when I had requested it ahead of time.

How about the fact that I was going to start The Medicine Wheel on the the weekend of December 9, 10, 11th? Thats okay, I guess I will just put that off a couple of years, when the next one starts.

Or how about the chance to check with my family to see when it would convenient for them for me come for a week or two. Or how about not having the trip two weeks before Christmas when I want to be home getting ready for the holidays? How about the fact that if the tickets were booked for sometime in April or May Quentin would be fully toilet trained and I would not have to deal with diapers and all that goes with them on the trip?

I hate more than anything that Paul has taken away my choices and my control over my life and the kids. I will miss their Christmas special at school and so will they. I told Paul that I was nervous about taking then all by myself and that I would like to check with my family first. He paid no attention to my feelings and booked the flight anyway. Spending $1700 on airline tickets without talking to me was wrong. I welcome the chance to see my family, but I would have loved to have some choice in when I got to go.

Paul has chosen to be defensive about the whole thing: "I can't ever do anything nice for you it always backfires." "If I had known you did want to go see your family I would not have booked the flight." He has chosen to not take any responsibility. I am even angrier that he will not take even a moment to see it from my side, to understand how bad the timing is for me, how important The Wheel was for me, how rude it was to book the flight without talking to my family to see what their plans are, or take into consideration how stressful I find traveling with 3 young children during the holidays by myself.

I am sorry for the ranting. There is little that makes me feel more frustrated than someone taking my choices away from me. I would love to take the trip after the holidays, but not in December when everyone is so busy and I already had plans that were important to me. I am stuck with timing though and will have to make the best of it, it will cost $200 a ticket to change the date, that would cost me an additional $800.

Paul will even talk me about the whole thing. He just keeps telling me, "This isn't the time to talk about it." "Let's change the subject."

I don't want my family reading this to misunderstand me, I want to come and visit, I am feeling very disappointed that I don't get to start The Wheel and that you don't get any choice on when I come to invade your lives. I will stop ranting and try and cool off.
I am sorry to posting so much frustrated energy today.


wilsajedi said...

well that was a more interesting post. sometimes writing stuff down helps calm you down, sometimes not. I hope you two can talk about this soon.

BTW I would never pull that stuff on Shannon, she would just kick my ass.

roguebat said...

Has Paul ever had to drag three kids around by himself? Let alone through a busy airport? I wish I could be there to help you. I would be fighting mad. He should have discussed this with you before he booked non refundable tickets. He should have way more consideration. He could have called any one of us to see if that was a good time for anyone here and he should definately discussed the dates with you.

Here in California we're getting the feeling that Paul doesn't like us. I think he's come to visit once. While you've been here several times to visit.

Wudas said...

I agree with Will. Kick his ass. Why don't you stay there and get ready for Christmas and Paul can bring the kids to visit with us.

Here's my advice. Paul can bite the financial bullet and you change the plans to suit yourself and the kids. If he has to take it in the wallet he won't pull this crap again. BTW I wouldn't discuss it with him anymore. Just do what you want to and announce it to him.

angie peg leg said...

Wow Kelly Anne...that really sucks. Though I am glad you will be here, I sympathize with your situation. I can't even imagine traveling with 3 kids all alone let alone the luggage that goes with 4 people. I hope Paulie comes around and will at least listen to your grieveances. What days will you be traveling? I'll help out however I can.

Wudas said...

Do you have a friend that might want to travel to California and give you a hand? If so buy them a ticket(s).

Wudas said...

Or if you have four tickets, you come on down in December with one child and leave Paul with two. Then come again in the summer with another child and leave Paul with two. And then maybe do the same thing next year with the third child. That way one child will get lots of one on one with you and all the relatives, easier to get to know us. You only have to pay to change two tickets, travel will be a cinch, and Paul will have to do a little work also.

Ahh, the possibilities.

Hornblower said...

holy cow - you're kidding, right?
Did he mean it as a surprise, a treat? Even so, he should know that this may not have been a surprise you would appreciate. You indicate that you had discussed it before & you expressed some hesitation about the concept; for someone to just go ahead & book the tickets anyway, is way out of bounds. Sounds like you need to sort out some power issues in your relationship - not the least of which is to do with $. If it's HIS $, I would seriously consider not going & letting him waste it. If it's YOUR (as in his & yours) $, then you need to have a good talk about how much $ each person can spend without discussing it & getting approval from the other person.
As for the travelling - travel light. One backpack for each child with their clothes & a few new toys from the dollar store. One umbrella stroller - handy for smallest child (even if the child is quite big) or to dump a bag on. One wheeled suitcase for me & anything that didn't fit in the backpacks. Kids must hold hands & one must be holding on to the stroller while walking through the airports.

Shannon said...

Hornblower, you're suggestions were great! I was thinking some of the same things after I had posted my first comment. I hope that Kelly takes your suggestions under consideration.

Keeefer said...

Kelly, Im great with kids and need a break and if your really nice to me i'll let you knit me somthing too :)

Granny said...

Simply go ahead with your plans for the Medicine wheel. Return the favor to Paul and cancel his skiing trips, pack his and the kids bags, take them to the airport and kiss them goodbye.