Thursday, July 07, 2005

Mother of all...

Poop stories.

Should I post this if I feel the need to apologize for the post before it is even written. Perhaps a warning will make me feel better:

Warning: This post will make those with children laugh their butts off, or may make some wince and look quickly away from the screen causing severe whiplash. This post will likely make grandmothers laugh with sweet revenge and may result in stress incontinence. This post may make those of you who don't have children run screaming to your physicians demanding a vasectomy or a tubal ligation. The author of this post is in no way responsible for any injury, laundry stains or sterilization that may occur during or following the reading of this post.

I am about 4 months away from having the last in my brood toilet trained. This is a goal I step closer to with each box of Pull-Ups I purchase and with each load of urine soaked pants and underwear that go through my washer.

I have been been diapering bums in this house for 4 years now, I thought truly I had seen it all. I have witnessed peanut poops, black bean poops and raisin poops. I have suffered through the 5 wipe poops and topped the charts at the 9 wipe poops, I have even survived the straight to the shower poops.

I have cleaned poop out of carpet, children's toys and from between tiny baby toes. I truly thought I could not be grossed out or shocked by any poop incident that occurred in my home at this point in my life. I have learned never to underestimate the power of poop.

I do about 2 loads of laundry a day to keep up on things around here. One dark load and one light. Yesterday the dark load came through without mishap (do you see where this going?) the white load went through the washer innocently enough, it was the transfer to the dryer where things began to go south.

I put everything into the dryer and I noticed little bits of (if you are faint of heart or stomach now is the time to skip to the bottom) what appeared to be pieces of fiber in amongst the clothing. I even saw a bit of what appeared to be half a black bean. I thought is must have gotten stuck to one of the kids shirts during dinner and I put it in the trash. I thought maybe Sebastian had a stick in the pocket of his jeans and it had fallen apart in the wash. I figured the dryer would pick up these wood-like fiber pieces in the lint catcher and I would empty it after the clothes had gone through. I TURNED THE DRYER ON.

As the dryer was running I had a look inside the washer and I saw more of these fiber-like pieces. I began to wipe out the washing machine and this is when I found a marble sized chunk of brown stuff. Another black bean??? I smoshed the brown marble in question and brought it slowly to my nose for closer inspection. This is when I realized what you have allready guessed.

"Oh, shit."

I quickly turned off the dryer. I was not quite ready to face the dryer and a full load of wet poopy clothes. It seems that Quentin had pooped in his underwear and someone who does not do the laundry had failed forgotten to empty the poop filled underwear into the toilet and rinse them out. I finished cleaning the washer first. Then steeling myself with a few deep breaths I opened the dryer door. The first thing to catch my eye was a large chunk of poop stuck to the hot dryer wall.

"Oh, shit."

I took out the clothes one article at a time. Surprisingly the damage was minimal. I shook everything out, piece by piece. Did I mention I have a large capacity washer and dryer? Putting each now chunk free article of LIGHT COLORED clothing back into the washing machine. I added detergent and bleach for disinfecting and then I moved on to the task of cleaning the laundry room floor.

The floor cleaned up I peered inside the dryer. It was not as bad as you may think. Just the one poop chunk stuck to the hot wall and a few flakes to wipe out of the bottom. Then a wipe with a bleach soaked cloth and the storey has a happy ending.

No clothing was stained in the process and my whites are WHITE and sanitized. Can anyone beat this one??


wilsajedi said...

nice post Kelly, very funny.

Wudas said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Wudas said...

Wholy shit!

Keeefer said...

ugh......which is the vasectomy line?

Shannon said...

That was quite funny and entertaining. At least you caught the dryer early.

My experience with children and dryers involve a pocket full of hershey kisses and another time crayons.

Kelly O said...

Keeefer-the vasectomy line forms to the left.

Shannon-crayons! Did you have to throw some clothes out. I bet that smelled almost as bad as hot poop.

Do you remember the heater at the Renton Way house? That thing smelled like crayons everytime it was turned on.