My DH and I have a running argument, it goes something like this:
Me: "You never talk to me, you come home from work, bathe the kids, help me get them into bed and then you go off and do your own thing, you don't even ask how my day was."
DH: "I am tired of talking, I talk to people all day long."
Me: "I am not 'people', I am your wife, you need to show interest in my life."
DH: "I am interested in your life, I am just tired of talking, and I need to have some time to myself."
Me: "You were at work all day long, you had an hour and half lunch hour, that is more than I had, I don't get a lunch hour with the kids all day long."
DH: "I saw patients through half my lunch hour and I ran errands after that."
Me: "You had time to run errands without the kids?!?!?! I would kill for that opportunity!"
DH: "You can run errands on Saturday when you get off work, you have way more time to yourself than I do, you have your running and I don't have time to myself.
Me: "Oh Yeah, well you can have all the time you...blah blah blah BLAH!!!
DH: "I give up, I just can't communicate with you."
Me: "Blah, Blah Blah, Yada Yada Yada, I don't know why you misunderstand everything I say. Blubber, blubber, sniffle.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? We have this same argument about 4 to six months. Then
Now that I am working for Paul and I am with patients all day long, I understand a bit how he feels when he gets home from work. When I get home I am tired, I have been listening to myself talk all day long and I really don't have the energy to muster up a conversation with Paul, or anyone else for that matter. The phone rings and I just look at, I just don't have anymore talking in me. I needed this lesson.
I must say that I really don't get his argument about lunch hours. An hour and half for lunch to get things done and to run some errands rocks. Of course, I have no idea what Paul usually does around here that is not getting done because I am answering my e-mail during lunch instead of doing the important day-to-day paper work and trips to the bank and general business stuff that Paul gets done during this time. So it is not really a fair representation of what goes on around here.
I hope Paul is getting as much out of this role reversal as I am. I hope he is beginning to understand why I feel the need to be so organized and on top of things with the kids. Why I am desperate for adult conversation after hearing a four year old whine all day long. Why I need for an adult to show interest in my life after being surrounded all day long by young children, who are by their very nature self-centered and not all that worried about how mommy is feeling.
Perhaps we can have this argument less often after walking a mile or so in one an others shoes. My DH and I are working hard on improving our communication, might this be a step in the right direction? I dare say perhaps